Lately, I have been trying to understand myself. Someone once told me that the most important person in your life is yourself. This is why I’m trying to learn more about the person I am, because clearly, sometimes I can’t understand myself.
For the past month I have been trying to figure out what gives me anxiety. It’s either walking alone at dark, doing something I could screw up in a moment and public speaking or speaking up.
The last one has been a huge bugger for me. I’m quiet person. I feel better keeping things in my mind, not to speak them all out.
The songs, whose lyrics tell about people, living in their heads, would describe me very well. I have always wondered what’s the cause of it. Is it because I’m afraid to be wrong? Is it because I’m afraid to make a fool out of myself? Is it social anxiety?
Last year I had anxiety attack during a presentation where I started to cry. My throat turned dry, I couldn’t say a word and I was shaking like a leaf. I had to sit down and take deep breathes. Meanwhile 20 people were watching every move I make.
I have been trying to get better at it. I have tried local public speaking contests, as in, pitching your business ideas and reading poetry. Small practices makes things better.
My goal for 2017 is to get ride of the fear from speaking up.